winds_voice | 14 - [Action/Voice]

[For those who pass by Eley today as he wanders through the village, they might notice there's something a bit... off about him. Perhaps it won't become readily apparent until they speak with him, but there's an almost hopeless look in his eyes and he seems almost reluctant to make any move to do anything himself. He might stop in front of a shop as if wondering if he should go inside... only to change his mind. Others also might see him watching them doing whatever they're doing, a look that tells them 'no, don't do that'. It's unnerving to say the least. Maybe someone should find out what's going on with him!

At some point he ends up sitting by his recently planted tree up on the Cherry Blossom Hill. It's here he makes a short and rather strange recording.]

[Voice]

I am beginning to wonder why I keep trying. Trying to mend things that are broken, trying to fit in where I do not belong, trying to express feelings I do not understand... and every time I regret how helpless and fruitless I am.

I cannot save anyone... I could not save those who came before.

I should give up. And so should all of you. After all, you cannot regret a decision you never made.

(OOC: So it's time for Eley to be suffering under the effects of the Heart Shard of Regret! Feel free to talk to him about his odd mood or find him under the tree/wandering the village~)

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Eley really wasn't expecting anything. No specific words or reaction from Rudy. He just wanted to let those thoughts out, confide in a friend he supposed. Though he had already done a great deal of talking, he hadn't been feeling himself then. His emotions had seemed to take control of him. Now he had that degree of control, it was his choice to divulge whatever information he wanted to.]

It is not something I would expect anyone to know. In truth, I should not feel anything in reaction to death or the passing of time. It is simply... a natural event. Besides, humans kill all the time, even each other. Is it really any worse when a Spirit chooses to do the same? Perhaps... they expect too much of us.

... But you still regret it. You still feel pain over what happened.

[Rudy closes his eyes, his voice taking on a reflective tone. He raises a hand, placing it over his chest.]

There's nothing wrong with that. Death might happen all the time, but it still hurts when it does, doesn't it? ... Anyone would feel the same. It's sad... painful, even; but it's part of life. It's one part of what defines us and shapes who we are as people.

[Eley watches as Rudy rests a hand on his chest. It was a simple action, but somehow Eley could sense that it had some meaning. Rudy... understood.]

I wonder then if a Spirit is ever truly living... It seems we are capable of change - I am an example of that - but... at our core, are we really, truly living beings? When we die, the planet will die with us. Or if the planet dies, so will we. We have no knowledge of death or mortality... we simply are.

[He pauses before adding.]

...at least we do not if we choose to ignore humans. Now I pay too much attention to it, to them. It is no wonder my heart feels heavy with regrets. I am not sure how long I can stand to watch people dying whether it is time that claims them or something else.

You know, I think you just answered your own question.

[His eyes remain closed as he continues.]

You may not grow old or know death, but you still know what it means for someone to die anyway. You even said so yourself. Because you pay attention, doesn't that mean you already understand the weight of a life?

[There's a brief pause from him, gripping the fabric of his jacket as he recalls familiar words in the back of his mind. Not just words, but memories as well; both fond, nostalgic, yet also not without twinges of pain to them as well.]

To watch someone die... it's incredibly painful. Especially- [He hesitates. He could feel his voice locking up in his throat already as a stinging, unpleasant memory flashes through his mind.] Especially when there's nothing you can do about it. [He stops, allowing himself a moment to recover.] ... You feel that same pain, just like we do.

[There was weight to those words and Eley didn't have to be a human to understand just how hard Rudy was finding it to relive those memories. The Spirit pauses... He understood that as well. The helpless feeling of watching someone die and being powerless to stop it.

It hurt.]

Yes... I believe I do. While it is always sad to watch the decline of human life, it is worse when you feel some... connection with an individual. People call me a god and yet I am only designed to do so much. I am not a god... I am a tool of Aether.

I know this, and yet I still wish that I could do more.

[At that, Eley finds himself paying greater attention to Rudy. He hesitantly reaches out a hand and places it on his shoulder, trying not to startle him too much since his eyes are closed.]

I am sorry for your pain.

14 - [Action/Voice]

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