winds_voice | 4

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4 - [Video]

[Eley is in a thoughtful mood, and when that kind of mood strikes him he starts to question things again... Feelings, usually. Human behaviours too. Today he's realised something and wants to ask the people of Luceti about it. As usual he's sitting on the outskirts of town with his journal on the ground in front of him, pointing up at his face as he looks down.]

Today I come to you with another question. 'Fun' is a concept I have not yet come to understand. As I will need to find ways of occupying myself during my stay in Luceti, I want to ask you all - what do you do for fun?

Perhaps I can give these things a try.

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Yes, it really is that sad. For some being to live without enjoyment and only to fulfill a purpose, even a spirit like you, is to be something barely alive. I have my duties and responsibilities, yes, but that doesn't stop me from indulging my interests and enjoying my existence. That's part of the reason we have thoughts, I think. So we can find what we enjoy, and enjoy it. Otherwise, what is the purpose of living?

[She has a very, very easy outlook on a lot of things Particularly that.]

I think that looking for many interests might do you some good, so you can find the things you enjoy and make up for lost time.

[A nod follows]

I think that learning and testing oneself can be fun, yes. I see no reason why they can't. After all, learning is at the heart of all of my interests.

... [Her words seem to resonate with him somewhere and he takes a moment to think on them. Some had attributed him to a robot already. And without emotion, a Spirit was barely living?]

If that is the case then I should consider myself blessed to have these emotions, not ashamed. That is not something I am used to. These feelings to me were a mistake, an ailment.

However, if I learn and find new challenges, new interests as you suggest... perhaps I will come to understand these feelings and do something positive with them. Yes... I should hold onto that thought.

Emotions make you more alive. More...real. It's better to feel them and have something, than to have none at all. I'd feel cursed if I gave up that part of myself.

[She pauses, thoughtful]

Some gods seek to become less human and more...spirit. I have always tried to be more human and less spirit. That way I feel more alive, and more able to perform my duties and not go mad from time spent in unfeeling contemplation or blind rage. To be true to my spirit self is to be a destroyer, a walking storm, and I've no desire to be that.

More real... [In that case, would it benefit his kind to have these emotions?] A Spirit in my world will die and literally fade away if he does not feel that he has a purpose anymore, a reason for existing. Could these emotions stop that from happening, I wonder?

[He listens carefully. Her words lead him to recall how he once treated those who stepped in his sacred kingdom.]

I do not blame you for seeking a sense of humanity then. While it may not have mattered to me in the past, I find it hard to imagine going back to how I was before now that I have begun to experience new things.

Emotion could give the spirit a new purpose, perhaps. Love, self indulgence, pursuit of knowledge, and to feel alive is to have another purpose entirely. To survive.

[She remembers how capricious and cruel some gods were in her own world, and shivers slightly. It was easy to see herself slipping into that sense of contempt.]

It's better that you don't try and go back. Going forward is the only way to truly live life.

Survival... yes, all living things seek to survive.

[So then could he really say he was alive in that sense? Were Spirits truly living beings or just mindless drones? It troubled him to think about it like that.]

I am still trying to understand love, though I now have some idea of what it means. Self-indulgence... that is something I still do little of. Perhaps fun would come from that.

Love? You're trying to understand love?

[Ok, she's smiling now. That's the most complex emotion to even begin to understand]

[...oh dear, don't smile at him like that Saori. You'll make him blush a little, embarrassed.]

I am trying to. I have a little more of an understanding of what it means now, though I still have a lot to learn. I am beginning to wonder if perhaps it is indefinable.

[That's the point!]

You know that love is considered completely undefinable by humans, yes? It isn't something even gods can quantify. The only way to really understand it is to find it.

[Then it really didn't matter how many time he asked others what love meant... he would only know it if he found it himself?]

How does one go about finding love for themselves? How do you know when you have found it?

You need to find another person who makes you feel...special in some way. You'll know love when you find it. It's fairly unmistakable, if ephemeral.

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