winds_voice | 7

[Wherever Eley happens to be right now, it seems pretty windy. Whether it's because of his influence or just the natural way of the weather, you can't really be sure, but thankfully his voice carries loud enough not to be hindered by the wind.

Only... his tone might sound a little less curious than you're used to. Somewhat distant. Perhaps even a tiny bit sad?]

As I have recovered enough from my illness to venture out with no ill effects, and since the weather has improved, I have decided to take the opportunity to seek shelter in the mountains. While I would still prefer to refrain from keeping myself in confined spaces for too long, I am hoping I will be able to make use of any shelter I find in future to prevent myself from falling sick again.

I would like to take a moment to thank the people here for teaching me your ways and helping me to take better care of myself. It has been an... interesting experience.

However, I also must announce that I will be staying in these mountains for quite some time. I would... like to ask you not to seek me out.

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[Spock has his journal open... otherwise he would have missed this!]

Mister Eleytheria? Why are you relocating yourself to the mountains? That is illogical.

Maybe this might go without saying but... stay safe out there! The elements aren't something to take lightly.

[Saleh can hear the sadness in Eley's voice, and it concerns him, especially since he had just recovered from his illness.]

Eleytheria? Is there something troubling you?

Why? Are you trying to find secret tunnels?

It is... more isolated. It allows for better clarity of thought. I have much to think about before I make a decision.

Now that I am aware of the weaknesses of my new body, I am sure I will be able to stand against them. You need not be concerned.

[He would say thank you but... with something playing on his mind he finds it more difficult.]

[He seems to falter slightly at the sound of Saleh's voice. But...]

It is nothing to be concerned about. Please continue without me.

Secret tunnels...?

[That makes him more than a little curious for a second. Could he try and find something like that while he's out here?]

Ah... no. I... just wished for some time and space to myself. There is much I must think about.

Oh. Like... to meditate and stuff. I think I understand what you mean by that. Lots of us need time to think and meditate by ourselves sometimes. Secret tunnels are better for when you're in love, but they could be a good place to hide if you want to. But... It can't be that hard to find an empty room or something to get privacy around the village, too.

Yes, meditation would be a good word for it.

[He pauses at the mention of love... It was still something he was having trouble grasping despite trying to look at it from many different angles. He almost comments on it but... seems to change his mind.]

I would prefer to avoid the village at this time. I... need to be away from others. Besides, I am not used to being confined to a room. It would make me uncomfortable to stay there for too long.

Hmm...

[This already isn't sounding good.]

You will come back, will you not? It's fine if you need solitude on occasion, but brooding for too long is not emotionally healthy.

[Even moreso for Eley, since it could directly impact on his very existence if he falls too far into a pit.

There's a long pause as he seems to debate how to answer this.]

I cannot guarantee that I will return.

[This definitely concerns him.]

Then that is something to be concerned about. What is wrong? Will you talk to me, at least?

[He doesn't want to mention the conversation he had just now. He doesn't really want to talk about it at all in fact. Yet... Saleh deserved an explanation at least.]

I originally intended to integrate myself more with humans when finding myself trapped in Luceti. However it has come to my attention that this may not be the best course of action. Certain... memories have surfaced. Now I find that it is not clear whether or not growing close to humans would be the best course of action.

...I am trying to protect myself.

I see...

[That was enough of an explanation to deduce what was bothering the spirit, along with what he had been told in their first conversation. Saleh can only guess that Eley was referring to the memories of being betrayed by the humans.]

So you fear that you will be betrayed again?

I don't think that's a good idea.

...yes. Yet it is not that simple, now that I have grown fond of a few of you. I am trying to decide whether or not it is worth the risk to... grow close.

I do not handle pain very well, this I know. I should never have been able to feel like this in the first place.

...

It is for the best. At least for now. I am... confused.

Why?

Hmm. I believe that it is worth the risk... However, ultimately it is up to you to decide whether the risk is worth it to you. Surely you do not plan to abandon the ones you have grown to trust? Are they worth so little to you?

One of the greatest benefits of having friends is that they can help ease the pain if it becomes too much to bear. If you do not handle pain well, that is one thing you cannot afford to throw away. Even the friends I have are few...but without them, I doubt I would still be standing.

[Spock raises an eyebrow...]

You are being cryptic with your answers. What is wrong?

You must have memories that you do not wish to recall. They hurt, do they not? I suppose I am... hurting from memories then. Yet I am unclear as to what course of action to take. If I stay close to humans then I risk betrayal. If I keep my distance... perhaps I can protect myself.

However, staying away was easier when I did not develop trust in the first place. So here I will stay, until I decide what to do.

If I felt as I did when I first came here then perhaps it would have been easier to separate myself from the people I have met. You are right, I have... developed a degree of trust between myself and certain individuals.

I do not wish to make it seem that your help has not been appreciated. However I must come to terms with what it means for myself as Spirit to feel so close, and risk the hurt that could come with it. Not just from betrayal... there are other factors too.

Of course I have memories like that. ...But I can't run away from them, because that means turning my back on the good things, too.

[Forgetting is tempting, of course. His heart hurts just thinking about it.]

The thing is, you're not protecting yourself.

...I have found myself reliving memories I would rather forget recently. I am not a being used to emotional pain, and I know I would rather not experience it again. So I felt that perhaps I should distance myself again, as a Spirit should.

I find myself wondering if the potential pain is worth the risk of my own curiosity.

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